So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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