After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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