what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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