drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
