$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
