I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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