So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
