this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
