you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
