I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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