She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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