Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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