her vagine was all disorganized.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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