So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
