just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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