u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
