She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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