lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
