I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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