I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
