Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
