last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
