Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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