What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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