Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
