Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
