I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
