I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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