...so i touched it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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