Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
