I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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