im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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