why didn't you poke me back
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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