Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
