So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
