They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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