I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
that's an acceptable place to lick
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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