he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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