That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
