i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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