I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
