5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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