I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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