You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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