I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
