I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
