her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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