so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
