Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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