I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
