my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
