I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
