God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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